Trying to Make Light of a Dim Situation

So, Chris and I have been trying to conceive since April 2010.  It was a huge leap of faith to decide to do this as bringing Ian into the world healthy was not an easy task and I swore he would be our only child.  

When I found out that I was pregnant in September, we were elated!  Ian was so excited, too.  He would tell us that it was his biggest dream come true.  Unfortunately I miscarried at the end of October.  It was such an incredibly painful process--physically and emotionally.  Actually, the whole conceiving process has been a very trying and emotional rollercoaster and there have been many times in which I just plain wanted off the darn ride!!  But for some reason, I continue to keep going. 

A few weeks ago, my doctor said that he would like to try a drug called Clomid.  Now I am not a drug-taker.  If I have a headache, I let it get to the point of nearly crying in pain before I take something.  I also am not a fan of needles.  So, you can imagine my level of apprehension when he told me that I would take one drug by mouth for 5 days and then have to use an injectible for 2 days!  I came home and discussed it with my husband and some dear friends and ultimately decided that I would go for it.  Of course I still held out hope that we would be able to conceive without the drugs during my current cycle.  I found out this morning that it would not happen...the Clomid would be necessary.  The really unfortunate part is that when I would need to go in for the 3 days of ultrasounds after taking the drugs, we will be back at my parents' house in MN.  So, this next cycle is out. 

I often question whether God is telling me, "No...this is not my plan for you," or if he is saying, "This is not my plan for you right now." I mean, how many times can something not go as you planned before you say, "Alrighty then...enough is enough."?   For right now, I guess I still feel like I need to keep trying. 

So of course, I have a plan.  It took a few hours of being mad, disappointed, sad, etc.  But really, who can stay like that for too long?  First of all, I am going to enjoy my trip back home with my family.  Second, I am going to enjoy some alone time with my hubby as we celebrate 11 wonderful years married to each other.  My third plan is to fully enjoy turning 40 on my birthday which is just a couple of short weeks away.  Fourth, I am going to continue to improve my health with the Couch to 5K program we are doing.  Finally, I really am going to make that appointment with the acupuncturist this time.  I have read that it can improve your chances of conceiving and I am all for a natural way to help with that!  Beyond that, I am just going to hand my worries over to the one that can handle them better than I.  :)